Since the start of this semester, there have been many craps happening to me. Getting ignored, didn't know the reason, awkwardness and so on. This has been a disastrous semester for me!! I am freaking sad and disappointed of such circumstances that occur upon me!
Why does it always have to be this way?? I never understand?!!!
Was it I that was stubborn? unpredictable or whatsoever? I have no idea. I always lose friends just like that! Since Pre-U, things happened, now in degree, the same thing is happening!! I have no intention of getting people hurt, feeling bad or hate me. but it seems it is always that way.
There is no one that can hear me out. At least shouting out loud to the oceans where the air can capture the lifeless and breathless shouts that I have for so long is great but here there is never an ocean for me. Things are getting real complicated since the day it started. We we once such good good real besties, now we are as ignorant as strangers who passed by not even knowing the name of one. IS this the end to our friendship? I have no idea.
Him having to know my feelings have stay away from me for reasons which are unrevealed. I myself have no idea what have just happened in that short 6 months duration. Awkwardness, ignorance, silence..This is making me emotional when I think of it. Can't we maintain the previous lively and happy friendship that we had? Have you forgotten all the times we had together as friends? I'm speechless.... There is nothing I can do to stitch the broken pieces together again....
Assignments this semester have made me struggle with real stress. This has made me caught up in ARGUMENTS with my members. Now I'm being ignored again for the hassles that I have made. APOLOGIZING doesn't solve everything. Despite saying sorry, I don't know what else I can do to mend it back into one. I am one very straightforward person saying things I shouldn't sometimes which hurt people unintended. I feel the lost of belongingness in a group as a whole.
Useless, never needed, Unimportant person. People forget me easily just like how the wind blows sometimes. I've lost the battle. Everything that I treasure and was precious to me was gone in a glimpse of an eye. This life is so cruel. Taking everything away from me one by one. I can't take it anymore!!!! This is suffocating~~ How I wish I will not live such life in the Uni..
All I have is Sorrow, Sadness, Disappointment, De-motivation and more...
Its better for me to stay away from everyone and be alone sometimes so that I don't feel hurt. This is very depressing. I have had enough of shits in my life! Nothing always goes right....
4 comments:
I guess, to know the reason why, you have to first be honest...be honest when you're looking deep into yourself and the cause of what happening around.
Think about it again, is it true that you didn't know the reason or it's just that you deny and pretend not to know as it hurts and people always want to protect themselves?
& I notice that, instead of looking into yourself, accept yourself as who you really are, and be aware of your personalities and the way you treated people around you; you started to blame the people who in fact leaving you for a reason; and you even start blaming life..
And have you realized, you are giving yourself so much excuses to convince yourself that you're not in fault and you're the victim of the whole incident? when u said "i already apologize for what i did, why still ignore me?"; "i'm a straightforward person, so i will hurt u guys unintentionally but it's not my fault, i'm just being straightforward!", are you aware that you're just creating excuses to forgive yourself and put the blame on others? put yourself in others' shoes, how do you feel?
Escaping doesn't mean that you won't get hurt anymore. I'm confident that the similar will happen soon enough if you are not aware of yourself; if you do not intend to make a CHANGE. yeah, a change is all you for a better life.
Be honest with yourself, look into the problem, and solve it instead of blaming and giving up.
Lower your dignity. Talk to your besties.they would definitely help you if they're true friends. :)
YO cheer up, maybe if you try to change people will start to accept you =) just my 2 cents. If you cant beat them, join them
Anonymous 1: I am aware of my personalities, sometimes words are spill~ I am not putting the blame to others. If they don't tell, I'll never know my mistakes. I rather them telling me what really is not right about me than keeping it in. If I'm creating excuses, I wouldn't have apologize in the first place. I can might as well keep quiet about it not doing anything about it. You're WRONG! I'm trying to change but change doesn't happen in a day or two. At least escaping makes me feel protected.
Anonymous 2: I'm trying to. Thanks for the advice.
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